songs i really need to stop obsessing over #5

 

kick me- sleeping with sirens // pity party- melanie martinez // cancer- my chemical romance // all time low- jon bellion // deathbeds- bring me the horizon // wrecking ball- august burns red // peace song- never shout never // don't play- halsey // heartbreak girl- five seconds of summer // young volcanoes- fall out boy // white noise- pvris // chemical kids and mechanical brides- pierce the veil // caught like a fly- falling in reverse // champion- fall out boy // shape of you- our last night // dirty laundry- all time low // let the flames begin- paramore // the good, the bad, and the dirty- panic! at the disco //

/\

i saved someone's life today.
i'm so proud.

you see, i'm a listener on a website called 7 cups of tea, and on there you can talk to people about your problems, and it's honestly a great website.
anyway, so there was this girl i was talking to who was thinking on ending her life- and i actually convinced her not to do it.
if only i could try and save my own life..
oh well.

if you ever need to talk to me on 7 cups, my username is mxdhxtter. ;)

/\

leave post ideas down in the comments please and thank youuuuuuuuuu
i'm gonna do another draw my life soon, this time it'll be way better than my other one xD

xo grace

[don't cut for the cats]

the floor is crippling depression.

a while ago me and my brother had a little "celebration" for the 4th of july.. i know, i live in australia, but technically i was a legal u.s. citizen for 7 years of my life so.. yeah.

here are some really bad quality iphone photos of our fireworks ;)

/

it's literally so cold like wtf. 

i literally have on a sweater, i'm covered in three blankets, and the heater in my room is on.

ugh.

/

i'm getting new depression meds today (on top of all my other prescriptions) and i don't want them.

yet we have everyone saying "it's for your own good!", when i have FOUR DIFFERENT DEPRESSION MEDS.

ugh.

help me.

/

this morning i woke up and a bird was by the window and i took some photos of it.

i was messing around with my camera's zoom so that's why the branches look close.

/

HOW DO Y'ALL LIKE MY NEW BLOG DESIGN? lol. i figured it was time for a change-i had that old one for almost two years- so yeah.

/

i'm so bored right now, if you have my instagram dm me because i wanna talk about random stuff.

-grace

dear..

(bonus photo of my sister's cat)

i'm tired, i got like 0 sleep last night because i kept having panic at the disco attacks and agh.

so today i'm going to be doing this thing that i saw floating around the blogging comm a while back but i don't remember the link to the original author/post, so if y'all can give me the link to it if you can find it that would be greattttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

/

dear mum,
STOP HAVING TOO MANY KIDS. you gave birth two days ago, and this is your 6TH KID jesus.
(at least i won't be the middle child anymore xD)

dear ryan,
stop coming home high. please. our house smells like weed now thanks to you.

dear alexis,
your hair is still brighter than my future.
(also sTOP PLAYING YOUR TRUMPET AT TWO AM !!111!! it annoys the living crap out of me.)

dear government,
RYDEN IS REAL

dear madi,
no, we are not doing "deepthroat" for our animation class. why are you like this.

dear mason,
you're still getting the grape juice, and that's final. I AM YOUR MOTHER DEAL WITH IT.
but ily bbyg (or boy. i still don't know your gender)

dear kaitlin,
we need to go skating again. i promise i'll wear that flannel you bought me.

dear bands i listen to,
you've saved my life so, so so , so many times and i love you all. (please don't break up like mcr did)

dear everyone on here,
thank you all so much for supporting me through everything life has put my way. ily all as well.

dear cats,
lynn, phaniel, and viktuuri, please stop digging your claws into my leg when you lay in my lap.

/

i'm gonna go to bed now.
gn mates, and if you ever need to chat, send me a message (instagram, email, etc.) and i'll reply as soon as possible.

~grace

[don't cut for the cats]

07.11.17

well hey there.

i'm actually alive.

it's a miracle, eh?

--

i did it again.

i tried to kill myself

again

--

i did it because my mum and dad were fighting over the phone and my two older siblings who live with me weren't home and i had no one to talk to, plus i can't stand fights at all, and i tried to kill myself..

 

 i overdosed on pills and my sister when she came home found out and rushed me to the hospital (my mum was at a bar when my sis came home) and i was in an opioid-induced coma for a couple days and the doctors thought i was done but i woke up yesterday from the coma and, well, here i am.

 

 i'm still in the hospital but i should be out within a week or so.

 

--

 

i'm so stupid.

i did it and i regret it completely.

and i did it when the solution could've just been talking to my parents or using a coping method.

god i'm so fricking dumb.

 

--

 

i'm sorry for being this way, guys.

you guys do nice things for me- volunteering to talk to me when i need help, supporting me no matter what, etc- and all i do in return is try and kill myself.

i'm so stupid.

 

--

 

i don't know if i'm gonna be okay.

ever since the beginning of june, it feels like i've been on an emotional rollercoaster that only went down.

i cut too many times, i tried to overdose, i actually did overdose, i was put on suicide watch, i got depression meds (god i hate those things. i already take enough meds already + sleeping pills), i haven't slept much the past couple weeks, i haven't had any appetite.. 

i need help guys.

i really do.

 

--

 

i'm sorry i made you read this.

 

~grace

40 things i'm grateful for

i honestly should've posted this on thanksgiving but pfft whatever

 

(songs: eyelids, mirrors, and ghosts by pvris)

***

so my older brother decided to take me to an actual therapist (wow what) and so my therapist during one session asked me just out of the blue what i was grateful for (yeah i know that was a run-on sentence and my english teacher would disapprove {sorry mr. land} but life is short so let's go with it.) and we were talking, and i decided to make this post because why the heck not.

enjoy this while it lasts, kids. i don't do this type of post much. xD

***

1. this blog
2. -everyone here in the blogging comm who has supported me through all the crap life put my way. ily all. <3
3. -my ex-boyfriend, warren, for not only making me hop onto his back on our way to our classes but also being there when i need it.
4. -my best australian friends, maddie, kaitlin, and cody (who is a girl btw. just saying)
5. -my best (and only) u.s. friend, izzy
6. -my older brother for casually driving me around to wherever i need to go
7. -my older sister. pain in the ass with that trumpet but you gotta love her.
8. -yuri on ice because who doesn't love gay anime characters skating am i right
9. -the fitnessgram pacer test (ahaha GOD NO)
10. -the friends resturant in perth WA, australia because the view there is amazing. oh and the chicken alfredo is delicious
11. -the doctors/nurses who took care of me while i was in the hospital because i probably would be dead rn if it wasn't for them.
12. -the person who made a 10-hour loop of "let's do the fork in the garbage disposal"
13. my chemical romance so i can cry "ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MCR TO GET BACK TOGETHER" in december.
14. -hot topic for their band merch selection
15. -my guitar
16. -JISHWAAAAA
17. -taco bell saga. xD
18. -otaku lyrics because why not
19. - steven universe for their representation of gay pride
20. -the teacher at my school named mr. urie
21. -eyelinerrrrrrrrr
22. -my glasses, i kinda need them to see xD
23. -youtube
24.  bands on crack
25. my depression pills. that way i won't end up depressed and wanting to kill myself xD
26. sour cream and onion chips. yum
27. |-/
28. CATS. don't cut for the cats guys. please
29. andy black, for being hot and having good music
30. izzy/mason and kailee, the two other members of my collab musical.ly sped up account
31. my sister, again, for making me emo trash. 
32. my girlfriend. ily bbyg <3
33. @.disaster.ology._  on instagram because her photgraphy is amazing + she's a sweet girl in general.
34. my younger siblings (hayden and mike) for being cute and little and smol and just cute.
35. the color green
36. flowers
37. troye sivan
38. COCONUT SHARKS IN THE WATERRRR
39. also taco bell saga
40. sugar cookies. yum.

/\

this took so long to make oops. 

thank you guys so much for reading this piece of trash.

ALSO i want to do a "check" to see if anyone still reads this blog, comment something really random if you're reading this. 

PLUS i might be re-designing my blog.. yeet!

~grace