(explaining stuff (again))

so i know a lot of my posts lately have been me explaining stuff but there's more to me than you really see. please know that i'm not trying to say that i'm a "special" child, but there's just a lot of stuff wrong with me. thank you. 

i also posted something like this on my google plus so yeah. 

***

okay, so a lot of you guys won't believe this, but i'm dyslexic. i know, you're thinking, "what????? but grace how do you post????? i'm confused dude?????" but in reality, even though i do post often, it's because i have all the time in the world to post, and my dyslexia makes it hard for me to post in a short period of time. when i post, i really mean whatever i say, because it's either all true or i spend HOURS trying to find a) the right words to say and b) just finding the letters on my keyboard to finish a word. blogging just really seems like a burden to me and i actually don't know why i even started.

the reason why my followers might have suspected something weird lately is because i put my blog on private for a few days..... and it's for a few good reasons. i wanted to see who would know that my blog's on private, and the grand total was zero, because it really feels like no one cares about me anymore. i also wanted to try and break away from the blog for a bit, but i didn't want it to collect pageviews and dust, so i just put it on private.

it's not that i care about you guys worrying about me (or whatever you guys do) or anything, oh dear lord no, i just really don't think i'm the right type for blogging. i'm such a troubled child and while i know it probably doesn't affect you guys in any type of way, it really does affect me in so many ways. living without a father figure in my family, plus my weird self, it makes it hard for me to just.... blog. i know, i know, i know, if you're thinking "so why are you telling us this now? why didn't you tell us when you came back from your break?", and the reason why i didn't tell you guys when i came back from my break was because i was hesitant to tell you guys, because i wasn't sure how you guys would react to me saying all that.

i'm literally crying as i re-read this post, it honestly just makes me sad that i go through all this shit day after day and you guys see me suffer through it. i just really wish there was a way to stop all this shit.

do you guys get what i'm saying? i know you most likely don't, but i just really needed to get that stuff out.

~grace~