thoughts during chemo #6

oh for those who are wondering i get most of these lyrics from pintrest. it just came to me that i don't give links back lol rip me.

seven thirty in the morning and i woke up to my sister yelling "outlines" by all time low out the window at an old lady help.
***

•  how does kellin quinn keep his hair looking amazing? like how????
• why was that monster lady in the 'don't threaten me with a good time' only seen in silhouette? 
• why does my sister have to be here? like i can get she's trying to spend time with me but i mean???? can't i be alone for a day????
• why do i get spammed with texts so often? JUST BECAUSE I DON'T ANSWER DOESN'T MEAN I'M NOT ALIVE. 
• will the summer set be coming to maryland for their "made for you" tour thing? (btw for those who are wondering i follow them on instagram so yeah.)
• why am i obsessed with falling in reverse now?
• why won't robby get sponsored by monster?
• why do periods exist?
• I JUST WANT A REGULAR CHEESEBURGER IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK????
• why do i suck at art?
• why do almost all of the songs off of fob's album "from under the cork tree" (btw my fave fob album who's with me.) have long titles? 
• why won't robby feature my answers for his question things?
• why do i ship stevonie (steven + connie) on steven universe?
• why do i also ship kohnnie (johnnie guilbert + kyle david hall)?

***

WHAT'S UP PEOPLE I'M ALIVE! *thumbs up in approval*

and look, a post with no cussing in it! where did this come from? xD

and you'll never guess what happened yesterday.

i became obsessed with falling in reverse. idk why either okay okay. my sister was just like, "hey listen to some falling in reverse" and i did and HoLy FuCk (well there goes this post  being clean lol.) they're amazing. 11/10, recommend them if you haven't listened to them already. :)

i'm in a chatty mood today so if you want to chat just drop me a comment. ;)

~grace~

(explaining stuff (again))

so i know a lot of my posts lately have been me explaining stuff but there's more to me than you really see. please know that i'm not trying to say that i'm a "special" child, but there's just a lot of stuff wrong with me. thank you. 

i also posted something like this on my google plus so yeah. 

***

okay, so a lot of you guys won't believe this, but i'm dyslexic. i know, you're thinking, "what????? but grace how do you post????? i'm confused dude?????" but in reality, even though i do post often, it's because i have all the time in the world to post, and my dyslexia makes it hard for me to post in a short period of time. when i post, i really mean whatever i say, because it's either all true or i spend HOURS trying to find a) the right words to say and b) just finding the letters on my keyboard to finish a word. blogging just really seems like a burden to me and i actually don't know why i even started.

the reason why my followers might have suspected something weird lately is because i put my blog on private for a few days..... and it's for a few good reasons. i wanted to see who would know that my blog's on private, and the grand total was zero, because it really feels like no one cares about me anymore. i also wanted to try and break away from the blog for a bit, but i didn't want it to collect pageviews and dust, so i just put it on private.

it's not that i care about you guys worrying about me (or whatever you guys do) or anything, oh dear lord no, i just really don't think i'm the right type for blogging. i'm such a troubled child and while i know it probably doesn't affect you guys in any type of way, it really does affect me in so many ways. living without a father figure in my family, plus my weird self, it makes it hard for me to just.... blog. i know, i know, i know, if you're thinking "so why are you telling us this now? why didn't you tell us when you came back from your break?", and the reason why i didn't tell you guys when i came back from my break was because i was hesitant to tell you guys, because i wasn't sure how you guys would react to me saying all that.

i'm literally crying as i re-read this post, it honestly just makes me sad that i go through all this shit day after day and you guys see me suffer through it. i just really wish there was a way to stop all this shit.

do you guys get what i'm saying? i know you most likely don't, but i just really needed to get that stuff out.

~grace~

"hello, you've reached the voicemail of makayla-grace, the ten-year-old who doesn't care about you. she's currently either spending time trying not to kill herself or yelling at her sister for being annoying. please leave a message after the beep, thank you." by panic! at the disco.

 

(aka: grace won't get herself together after fifteen hours of living hell yesterday so she will be posting a bunch of memes and stuff so be prepared for a spam)

 

GUYS I THINK THIS GIF WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. 

 

wait nope this will. 

*SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF LUNGS* BURST INTO FLAMES SCREAM IN THE DARK I'M GONNA LIGHT UP THIS PLACE AND DIE IN BEAUTIFUL STARS TONIGHHHTTTTT. 

 

????????

 

i swear to god this is going to be my phone's homescreen okay.

 

*grace stamp of approval*

 

johnnie is dreamy okay........ *has small heart attack on how cute he is*

 

i think that's what my mom said to my sister when my sister went to warped tour without me *cries*

 

PETEPATRICKJOEANDYUGHTHEY'REAMAZING. 

 

okay like seriously.

DIS. IS. PERFECTION.

 

why this is my favorite line in that entire song, I HAVE NO CLUE BUT WHATEVER.

 

me when i got told the summer set wasn't playing in warped tour in my state.

 

i have literally no clue okay.

aaaannnnddd i will stop now before i spam your feed with memes GOODBYE.

the music tag (or whatever)

  

hola! i am in fact not dead, and even though i had to get stabbed in the shoulder with a needle multiple times yesterday/had to go through nine hours of fricking living hell, i'm not dead. this deserves some cake and confetti.

anyway, i'm bored so i decided to do the music tag thing.most of you guys probably know how this thing goes, so i'm just going to do it now.....

happy song// bring me the horizon-- we are possessed, we're all fucked in the head, alone and depressed.
don't threaten me with a good time// panic! at the disco-- i told you time and time again, i'm not as think as you drunk i am.
lost in stereo// all time low-- tattoos and a switchblade attitude, snakebite heart with bubble gum smile, sex and stereo, don't turn the radio dial.
better off dead// sleeping with sirens-- maybe i'm better off dead, if i was, would it finally be enough, to shut out all those voices in my head?
props and mayhem// pierce the veil-- does it even make a difference? when i'm sober i feel pain, cause we run under the stars, through cemetery backyards, celebrate the way the night hides scars.
fuck u over// the summer set-- said that i'm a douchebag, won't call back, the worst hangover you've ever had, felt so good at first, we knew that it could never last.
helena// my chemical romance-- what's the worst that i can say? things are better if i stay.
our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued// fall out boy-- it's just past eight and i'm feeling young and reckless, the ribbon on my wrist says 'do not open before christmas'.
king for a day (feat. kellin quinn)// pierce the veil-- hail mary, forgive me, blood for blood, hearts beating, come at me, now this is war..... fuck with this new beat.
jet black heart// five seconds of summer-- everybody's got their demons, even wide awake or dreaming, i'm the one that ends up leaving, make it okay.

***

and you just experienced a bunch of song lyrics from bands that can make little kids cry because of all the screaming in them excluding jet black heart but then again it makes me cry sometimes idk why though. so yeah. in the middle of the whole song lyric thing bulls in the bronx by ptv came on but i don't really like any of the lyrics in the song and the only part in the entire song i like is that guitar solo but well *shrugs*

anyway, i'm in a bit of a chatty mood today so if you guys want to talk for a bit you can. i might do something like this tomorrow (the chat thing) because i'll have more time then but pssh whatever.

also if you guys can answer this then, well, just do this for me that would be great okay bye.

also to add a challenge to the "fav band/s" thing you have to guess my favorite bands IN ORDER. *evil laugh*



~grace~

{we need to talk}

 

so i realized i've never really shared my feelings/how i really feel on here. i've been trying to keep this blog "sane", where i don't share my feelings on here. it's just i'm paranoid of revealing everything to the internet to everyone, which is why when i need to talk to someone i contact them privately. so here you go guys, i'm going to admit this all and get it out.

***

so as 99% of you guys know, i struggle with depression. i keep trying to cover it up in any type of way possible. back before i left in april and came back in june, i was trying to cover up my depression, and i thought it was working, but turns out it wasn't.

i'll admit it, i don't know how to comprehend with my depression or, anything, actually. no one understands me or what i've been going through, and i've been trying to get help but it hasn't been working. it honestly feels like i'm alone and nobody cares about me anymore. i just want to disappear. 

i'm honestly trapped in a bubble of depression and suicide and i can't escape it. my one year blogiversary is so close, but i don't feel like i can live to see it. i know you guys don't want me to kill myself,  but that really is what i want to do. i just don't belong anywhere, and i always keep trying to kill myself. 

so i guess this is it. (for the post.)

~grace~

(p.s. yes blogger is still acting funky for me. is anyone else having that problem? jw.)

memes and gifs and stuff #2

 

 prepare for the most random stuff ever in 3, 2, 1.....

  

have to repost this because it's true. *runs after fob wearing my sister's fob shirt*

 

i think this is what my mom thinks of me...

poor vic, not noticing that alex is choking. xD ooh yay a love like war is playing please excuse me while i fangirl in a corner.

  

my sister doesn't like the summer set so i almost did that to her...... damn i'm violent. xD

 

*melts because kellin is so cute and also because it's hot in here*

 

"is this the krusty krab?" "no, this is patrick!"

 

okay so with me it's like, i'm pale as a vampire but then in the sun i look like a fricking mexican i could be in ptv. 

 

but if dan is on fire, what's the point of his channel name?

 

*scans room* nO ONE CALLS MIKEY UGLY OR I KILL U. (god that sounded violent i really need to stop.)

 

you don't want to know.

***

hey so i guess i forced you to sit through that, eh? 

okay good. 

***

anyway, so band memes aside...... i want to tell you guys something.

PEOPLE TAKE MY SURVEY OKAY I NEED MORE RESPONSES. {click here} that would be great, thank you. 

okay byeeee. (netflix is calling me lol.)

~grace~

(p.s. sorry for not centering, blogger is acting funky for me r.i.p. me.)